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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23840188">the words i could never say</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/awkwardhesitations/pseuds/awkwardhesitations'>awkwardhesitations</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>the history of us [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Mobile Legends: Bang Bang (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst angst angst angst, M/M, childhood zilong and ling, dumping all the angst, it's a shitty fic, ling doesn't know how to deal with emotions, more angst boys, no beta we die like men, zero plot just angst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:09:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,433</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23840188</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/awkwardhesitations/pseuds/awkwardhesitations</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>zilong will be the one to pick up the pieces, ling always the one to flee.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ling/Zilong (Mobile Legends: Bang Bang)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>the history of us [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1615537</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the words i could never say</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>eeeeh im so sorry for the wait,,<br/>i had to delete a lot of parts for this fic ngl ugh<br/>it didn't fit right</p><p>a sequel to test the waters.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="title">
  <p>'how... how dare you.' he's seething, chest lifting in unbridled rage, a rare look on the assassin's face. wanwan's never seen such a look on his face before- so much emotion. his sword is pressed dangerously to the man's neck, so much pressure it would have already cut. if not for kadita's interjection, wanwan thinks the foolish man would have been dead already.</p>
</div><p>kadita's soothing voice cuts through the tension in the room, placing a gentle hand on the cyan finch's shoulder. 'here, here. ling, do not act rashly,' the assassin looks like he's about to bristle, and the queen of the seas pins him with a subtle glare, 'i still have a business to run.'</p><p>no one wants to start a feud with the fearsome queen- even ling is aware. so he breathes in, out, in-more calmly- all the techniques the great dragon has taught him, all his meditation to become as light as the clouds- and draws his blade back to his sheath.</p><p>everyone subsequently exhales in relief. even wanwan, who didn't even know she was holding her breath in anxiety.</p><p>'talk one more word about zilong again, and i will slit your throat.' his glare is deadly, and the foolish gambler stumbles and flees kadita's bar. everyone's trying their best to pretend like nothing happened- claude resuming his efforts to steal out of tigreal's pocket, ruby chatting with the newest heroine, carmilla. ling bows to kadita and walks out so fast, wanwan has to run to catch up with him.</p><p>chancing a glance at the night above him, the stars have started to sparkle.</p><p>
  <em>'oh- come on, ling! you're going to miss it!' the boy is only ten, his chestnut hair dancing behind him in his fit of excitement. there's sparkles in the young dragon's eyes, as he (tries to) whisper, in a valiant effort, but the excitement envelops his words, echoing within the hall.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>meanwhile, his counterpart sighs, before shushing him. the halls are so quiet- does zilong have any sense of decency? 'you're the one dragging me here- you're so spoiled! keep quiet, will you?' at a glance, the silver haired boy looks way more mature than his friend.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>ignoring his friend's usual grumble- ling's always so grumbly and mature all the times, talking about responsibilities- zilong tugs at the sleeve of ling's robe once he comes in range, to the long descent of stairs. there's a meteor shower during twilight, and zilong had to coax ling for so long to accompany him to see the 'pretty stars'.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'you understand that,' ling starts, already focused on prying apart zilong's hand from his sleeve, 'there's practice tomorrow, at 6.' the latter shrugs nonchalantly. 'eh, master could let me sleep if i needed, and probably can wake up anyway.' that earns him a unimpressed look from his friend- honestly, why are all his friends so strict and responsible, it's unfair-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>it's in comfortable silence before a star suddenly streaks across the night sky, hinting at the meteor shower. zilong perks up immediately, his right hand going automatically to nudge awake his friend beside him, both sitting on the steps. 'ling, ling, wake up-'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'i will kill you if we get caught tomorrow.' ling swats zilong's hand away like an annoying fly, but there's no annoyance in his eyes. 'we never got caugh- look, it's starting!'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>it's one of the prettiest sights the kids have seen- prettier than the usual clouds, the sunrise that ling watches and even the sunset that zilong loves. the meteors descent in a beautiful cluster- streaking across the inky black of the sky, under the guidance of the moon herself-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>'hey, hey, make a wish, quick.' ling just nods this time- doesn't even retort back, a rare occurrence. there's the meteors being reflected in ling's magenta eyes, as pretty as the stars themselves. he wishes he could capture this ling forever- stars in his eyes, smile on his lips.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>zilong thinks ling is pretty.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>the kids still get caught by master after that- chang'e snickers at them as they accept their punishment grudgingly the next morning, ling swearing up and down to himself that he'll never get involved with zilong again, while the latter just grins so wide. no one is supposed to grin like that while you're forced to haul water up to the temple. there's a reason why everyone dreads it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>but of course, it's zilong.</em>
</p><p>of course.</p><p>of course, out of all people, it has to be the dragon son himself.</p><p>ling sends a vengeful eyeroll to the gods above- thanks a lot. in retrospect, he hopes he won't get punished for that later. stupid karma.</p><p>'u- hey! ling!' he spots the dragon spear put of the peripherals of his right eye, and there it goes again, his heart going all uneasy. ling grips his sheath harder, the enamoured and enchanted mix of metal combined with wood. he's dressed particularly casual today. (ling doesn't linger on the thought that zilong looks good in that attire- showcases his arms quite well; it's detrimental to ling's mental health.)</p><p>the cyan finch tilts his head in a silent acknowledgment, magenta irises refusing to look at his face. zilong's voice quietens down accordingly too- it's always something he appreciated, his adaptability. 'i.. i heard some rumors about me and you in the bar earlier today. wanwan had some interesting things to say.'</p><p>goddamnit, guan yin. he rights his posture- his back has been atrociously hunched for a reason, and ling is disgusted at himself for it. 'stop beating around the bush, long.' at least his voice isn't shaky. ling honestly has no idea how to deal with this living statue of his past ever since he joined the land of dawn.</p><p>zilong always has to be so righteous. righteously annoying. a reminder of his past mistakes, a reminder of the things he wanted-</p><p>'i don't know. i just wanted to ask you about it, since no one wanted to tell me much.' seems like a pretty lame excuse to me, ling replies in his head, raising a skeptical eyebrow. he's ready to bolt.</p><p>under the assassin's scrutiny, zilong relents. 'fine, fine- i just saw you coincidentally, and wanwan was worried about you but she's too scared to confront you, and i..' ling waits. wanwan's scared? am i that intimidating? zilong's eyes are darting to the ground, and ling takes this opportunity to look at him. eyes hovering over the warrior's skin, his hair-</p><p>he's not taking care of his hair again, a little knotted and messy. ling's consciousness tuts in disagreement, but he doesn't say anything. 'i.. haven't spoke to you in a while.' oh.</p><p>oh.</p><p>'it was just some fool, talking down on the great dragon's reputation. nothing much. i lost control for a moment and let my emotions get ahead of myself.' the bastard was talking shit about you, ling wants to say. he was talking about how you were a coward and never won the f-</p><p>'don't be so hard on yourself- the only thing wrong was the threat to kadita's business and of the guy's life.' you don't understand, you don't understand- they whipped us into shape, stay as light as the wind and the clouds- never lose control-</p><p>how can zilong brush that off so easily?</p><p>'do you know?' it's abrupt, stops ling in his attempt to leave.</p><p>"i wish at times i could let you go. you don't need me- i don't know what's our relationship at this point- and you're even with the black dragon- but you always make it difficult, don't you,' anguish staining his voice, ling's heart wrenching the most painful way at his expression but all he can do is just stand there in silence- 'always- always have to drag me in and kiss me until i'm dumb again, stringing me alon-' he's silent at this outburst, words cutting through the quiet atmosphere in the garden, slipping from his tongue and weighing on ling's shoulders like lead. there's only the sound of crickets and zilong's unsteady breaths.</p><p>'i- long.' tears burn at the back of his eyes, his voice showing the slightest hint of a quiver. the warrior just watches when the cyan finch's fingers shake, the gulp (subtle but still there). ling flees, as usual, the blue on his feathery attire glimmering in the moonlight. zilong will be always the one to pick up all the pieces, and ling will be the one to flee.</p><p>zilong stares into the pond of koi fish. one is dead, stomach floating upwards on the water. the other swims away.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ty for your support and willingness to read this shitty fic ahahaha</p><p>i do have a few extras lined up here and there, although my lazy ass probably will get nowhere to posting them-</p></blockquote></div></div>
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